Friday, December 18, 2015

Message for 12.18.15

Today I'm sharing this beautiful message with you, specifically for this week, December 18th-25th. I hope it brings you peace and contentment wherever you are, and whatever is going on in your life right now. Just let yourself surrender and open your heart to these loving words. The energy has been intense lately, and many are feeling it, including me. So it is very important to find time to meditate and calm down our energy. Please share your comments on how this feels to you!


Dear children, this is a beautiful time for you. You’re learning more and more about your true nature, and through your own exploration comes a new love for yourself and others. Isn’t that beautiful? You just don’t know how loved you truly are. You just don’t know.

You’re loved beyond measure, and it’s such a grand love we for you. We take interest in all that you are…every part of your humanness and beyond. It’s about communion with every part of you, not just beyond the physical perception. So remember that. We are not above and beyond you in any way. We are the bigger part of you that is here for you in every way possible…in every way you are asking for us to be a part of your life.

We are here to help you to gain the intuition you are seeking to feel more purpose in your everyday life, the courage to step up to the plate when you have fear or worries, and the undeniable knowing within that will help you to have the confidence that you are always on the right track.

You can’t fall off of it because you’ve never not been on it. You can’t get lost, because all is right and perfect in that moment. In other words, it matches up to the vibrational creation of your physical existence. Some of you would say, “I did not create this cancer, or this problem with my liver, it just happened to me.” To that we remind you of this: all that is your physical reality is created by you, through the mass consciousness of All, which also remains part of your personal creation. They work hand in hand, never separated from each other.

You are learning this reality more and more now. You are learning more about your expansive nature, and that you don’t know what you don’t know! So how can you possibly judge what is not even in your conscious awareness? You see, it’s there, just not in the forefront. All you have to do is tune into the vibration of love and acceptance within yourself, and you will find an untouched beauty and love that is beyond your biggest dream…beyond what you call Heaven.

You are made up of this place you call Heaven. You are Love and Light simply in this body for a short period of time…that is in relationship to the wholeness and grand eternal nature that is the true you! You are in the perfect moment right now.

Remember as we give you these words that you can’t get lost, and no matter the circumstance, whether it is your happiness or health, or the worrying of others in your life that you love and care about, you are all taken care of by a grander perceiving source. It’s the source of All That Is, and this is your home. You came from this source and you will return to this source. You never leave this peace…it is eternal in the seed of your being.

Today, your job is to simply create a space to let this permeate through you, with your conscious awareness of your magnificent nature. That’s your only job. It requires no effort, just awareness. And from that awareness comes a joy so grand you won’t believe it! We love you eternally, and are excited at your progress even reading these words now. As always, we are in your service, to you personally as well as all of humanity. And so it is.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Let's Connect!

I'm very passionate about connecting with my community. I don't like being "talked at" and I'm sure you wouldn't like that either, so I am consciously allowing this space to be open to all to speak and share in an open way. I don't want to teach, I just want to share and talk with you like friends.

This blog is my home to open myself up and share it with you all, without filters. Most find that scary. It is for me too, but I'm trying to shift that. I'm trying not to take posts down anymore to show I am more professional and older. I want to showcase growth and expansion, learning along my journey, because I want everyone to see, I am a work in progress like everyone else.

I have struggles AND joys that I like to share, and I believe that these experiences should be treated equally. Struggles should not induce shame when sharing. Sharing joy and excitement should not induce feelings of being "self-absorbed". I want to allow this space to become a home for you too, to maybe open yourself up and allow your true self to emerge. Let's connect and share our stories.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

A Message to Humanity

Dedicated to all the beautiful people of Paris ~


"As you are moving even higher into the light and your collective desire turns towards peace and harmony with all of creation, all that is of violence will cease. Because your ego self will diminish and the fear based ideals and creations will no longer need to be alive within you.

This is of a collective agreement, to see this age that is of great violence and turbulence - there is much passion now to resolve the issues at hand, especially in regard to not allowing power to overthrow your freedom as a God given being of light. You all have the ability to fight for what you are just by shining that, by being that. It doesn’t have to come in the form of fighting in physical form…for in fact, we know that you know that is not the answer you are seeking.

What you need to understand is that this age is about learning what’s already within you. Much of the work on your planet becomes a bigger deal than it really is because you have this idea that it all has to get done with your own two hands. You can’t be digging and planting those seeds on your own when you could be using this grand time to be basking in your beautiful creations! This moment is another moment to ask yourselves who you are.

Really be conscious as you ask yourself this question. And if you don’t know, wonder why you don’t know…wonder why you haven’t become illuminated to the fact that it DOES matter to live your happiness and fullest potentials. This impacts the collective desire. When more and more decide to choose themselves and choose divine innate power and worth, the consciousness will rise even higher.

It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about finding the balance so that you can live in unity, and to feel the Oneness that is already existent. So this is a message to shine your light wherever you are. Take a moment to re-evaluate your personal mission, and if you’re not on it, get on it. There is no time to lose, and you know it. Because there is a pull to be on track; there is a pull to feel fulfilled and in line with your creation on Earth.

And those that are not living with purpose feel violated by Life itself. Feeling lost and alone is a byproduct of choosing a reality that is not your true nature. So how do you get there? Feel into what feels best, and go there without hesitation.

This energy of war and of terrorism cannot persist when love becomes more prominent. So we urge you, all you lightworkers and earth angels, use your powers. You are all part of God, and you are all here to emerge into your fullest Divine expression, to show that light to others.

Instead of gasping for air, drowning in the misery and tragedy at the expense of many lives lost, use this as momentum to increase this love of planet earth to rise up to meet where you want to be. Have no fear, even as you feel sadness and angst. Hold the vibration of love even stronger, because we know you can. You are made in the image and likeness of God; a powerful lightworker and energy warrior. Use it.

You might not know you amazing you truly are, but ask how to be of service, and the answers will come. Your gifts are needed more than ever in this time. You are ready to show up and be the light in every way possible. Trust that in this time, all will be touched by this love you are emanating, and that is the greatest service you can do in this time.

To be present in this moment with love and joy in your heart, imagining great peace being strung through the hearts of all around the globe, you are doing a great service. So that is all that you must do. Keep shining, and being bold even when it feels out of line. It’s not…because the true you is bigger than you are allowing yourself to be. So bring on the greatness, and show this true power to all, and love will always prevail!! We love you so dearly, and with great peace in our beingness, we send gratitude for all your service. And so it is."

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Early Morning Writing Makes Me Look Like a Motivational Speaker

I'll start by saying, I am not like this kind of motivational speaker ;)

I've got a lot to share and a lot that I feel I'm not ready to share. I'm inching my way out into the world in my own comfortable time like everyone else. Some people look at what I'm doing and say to me, "wow! You're so brave for sharing your truth in front of so many people and a camera!" My response is usually and awkward "thank you" followed by, "you can do it too!" It just takes practice and compassion towards yourself.

I fully appreciate that others appreciate me being a wayshower for many, but I also want others to know that the work I've done to get where I want to be is no different than the work they need to do to get to where they want to be. We make up a whole lot of excuses for why we can't achieve peace and stillness and compassion and love in our lives. The most lame I hear all the time is "I just don't have time." My response in my mind is, "I guess you answered your own question then!" Your inability to make time for the piece of you that feels most alone and confused and unloved is the part of you that should be getting the most attention. If you feel cutting out time for your own growth, expansion, and enjoyment, then how can you achieve anything else that you desire? All relationships stem from the relationship with ourselves, right?

This post might come off snarkier than it really is as I'm writing this ;) I truly just want you to step into yourself with strength and endurance and not play victim anymore! There's so many people I meet everyday that I see so much potential in, and yet they don't see the value in cherishing their own light. They don't see the point in following their soul purpose (even though they are very clear on what that is!) They have forgotten what it means to follow their inner voice. Now it has become a distant voice veiled by illusions and false perceptions.

The true essence of our being wants to share our full self with the world - to shine and to be seen and heard. Sometimes other circumstances get in the way of us following through with that, but at the root that is what we be seen and heard. To be appreciated and loved and honored for who we are and what we are sharing with our presence. We want to hear from others how our light impacts their life!

I want you to know that by valuing yourself enough to step into your life and take it by the horns instead of offering it up to others and their decisions, you are doing enough!! But always live for you. There's a reason you're here to create your life and your friend, or your parent is here to create theirs. You are separate beings with separate soul purposes! Find a way to support yourself, be your own knight in shining armor, and see how that changes your whole perception of your so called goals in your life. They will probably change, because you'll have more clarity on what are your truest desires, and what were others desires for you.

In truth, you are the only one that knows what is best for you. Surround yourself with those beings that see and honor you for who you are and who you are becoming. The only way that they can be unveiled to you is through your own self-love, acceptance, and confidence of who you are and you are becoming! If you don't see the light and love within yourself, how can others? Unmask yourself, fellow lightworkers! You're here to be YOU and none other than you!!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

What is Happiness?

I thought this fit well with this post. Shout out to Paul for taking this amazing picture and graciously letting me borrow it! :)  

The more I contemplate the nature of happiness, the more I realize you can't understand it, you can only experience it. It's impossible to truly understand something that you haven't experienced, or let yourself experience. What is happiness then? Well, I guess that's up to you to decide.

What makes me happy? By happy I mean the feeling of deep inner contentment, peace, and a comfort and confidence within myself. To me that is happiness. I don't think true happiness means a temporary emotion...and maybe I don't get it either. Life offers much practice, so that's comforting. We don't have to analyze it! Here are some things that make me feel happiness.

1. When people make a point to tell you how they appreciate you, even if it's already implied in their actions.
2. Having a whole day to be alone and do whatever floats your boat
3. Journaling
4. Creative writing
5. Playing music
6. When you think about someone and then they call you and you just think "you heard me!!"
7. Making fairy houses (yes I do at 19 and it's still magical)
8. Climbing trees
9. Inside jokes that come out in public and it's hilariously awkward when nobody gets it
10. Sharing my story and being surprised and delighted when it helps someone else
11. Canoeing and spending time in nature in peace and quiet
12. No longer restricting and judging myself to fit inside the box (especially when it's actually way cooler not to!)
13. Pushing myself beyond what I think I can do (and being terrified) only to realize later that it was always possible and I did it
14. Meditation. Needs no further explanation :-)
15. Communicating with 100% honesty with myself and others
16. Animals! Especially my pooches
17. Spending a whole day drawing or painting
18. Yoga
19. Qigong
20. Lazy days that don't have any guilt associated with them!
21. Art. When I get in the zone and the outside world around me disappears.
I know about the law of attraction, and I try to always be conscious of the thoughts I think that make up my reality, but it's become obvious to me lately that it's far beyond that....and intellectually I understand that too. I've read it over and over again and taught it many times, but recently realized now that I haven't been putting it into practice lately. It's about emotion; the vibrational frequency that you emit rather than a specific thought or idea that is the only factor in how your life plays out.

There are many pieces of me that continue to fluctuate and change as I grow and expand into the grander more aware version of myself. It's been an interesting evolution to say the least. I try to keep tabs on my own growth, because it's always a friendly reminder that I'm doing my best even when I feel lost and alone. I have some amazing family and friends that support me all the way, and that makes me unconditionally happy. But with everything there's up's and down's that force you to stop and evaluate and make sure you're where you want to be...because you ALWAYS get to choose.

The experience of coming into myself and than evolving to a place where I could finally share that with the people around me that I care about the most was such a beautiful experience of learning the true nature of happiness. Because I realized it's not your experience, but the way you choose to react to your experience.

So my own fear of growing and allowing others to see the real me was keeping me from having my own experience of happiness. And for me happiness cannot truly be experienced until you stop restricting yourself; you have to be willing to show your true self to yourself, foremost, and then expand that to the world. That's real beauty and confidence, and not just a mask.

This is my way of taking a minute to become aware of my own growth and on my journey, because if I didn't sit down and surrender to this process of writing, I wouldn't have this reflection. It's a very in the moment reflection that I didn't plan to write, which is always fun for me because it helps illuminate my true thoughts. If you don't already journal, it's a great practice to take up! It doesn't need to be profound and reflective, just in the moment thoughts, even if it sounds mundane. It really is a great teacher. Poetry has been my new friend...Kalil Gibran is one of my all time favorites!

To wrap this all up...

Monday, April 6, 2015

Body Intelligence

"What is that" you might ask? We're going to get a little scientific today folks. It's the notion that the thoughts we think and they way we choose to live our lives is all information that your physical body responds to each and every moment of your life. Your cells are listening, and every time you unconsciously send negative, condescending, or judgmental feedback to yourself, it's documented in your body, until you either change that information, or it collects until you create an illness for yourself. That could either by the common cold, or something as serious as cancer.                                  

One interesting study, by Dr. Massaru Emoto, tests the consciousness of water through various messages sent to the water before studying it under the microscope. This is one test of many I'm sure, and would be the same effect if we studied how our thought patterns affect our cells.

It's important to let yourself integrate when big things happen in your life. My Grandma recently passed, as I've talked about a few times here, and everything else in my life is in flux. That can be refreshing and also a little bit scary and uneasy. But in the end, it means it's important to remember to stay out of the way, and cleared of resistance. A good thought, but a difficult practice!

Today I'm staying home, even though I had plans to go out, because I'm feeling under the weather. Resistance to your natural flow causes physical illness in the body, whether you want to admit that or not. It's not all about catching an illness from someone else, sometimes you gotta realize that you are in charge of your experience, and that includes both positive and negative events. When you get stuck in life and feel like you are down and out, and alienated from the rest of the world, sometimes you just have to stop and let your true feelings come out.

It's easy to dissect other people's lives (well, at least for me it is), but when it comes down to my own, it can feel like a mystery most of the time. That's because I have a bias to my own experience; something that I don't necessarily have for others. When I am stuck, (or I pretend like I'm stuck when there's really no such thing) I get sick in my body. It forces me to look at what is really going on, instead of what I want to think about myself.

I want to get better, so my resistance goes down and I am much more open to looking at my true self and admitting my feelings to myself. When we do that, our bodies respond positively, because it now knows it doesn't have to work as hard to send a message to you to pay attention. When you're paying attention, it won't overcompensate and create physical problems in your body, and we also become more integrated with our true authentic selves.

So instead of resisting this process, it's best to bless your body for getting a message across to you so you can respond accordingly. Take the time you need to heal, integrate, and listen to your body. It's always talking, and we're almost never listening! If we could learn this in school, or rather, be guided to listen in school, we would be a much healthier world. It's not that one diet or way of living is "correct", it's that every person on this planet has a different lineage, which means we need to treat everyone different when they are sick or need to re-evaluate their nutritional needs.

One that spend the majority of their soul journey in the same place eating the same food may be intolerant to other foods. Instead of treating an intolerance with medicine, maybe listening to what your body wants would be a good start. Personally, I'm done with figuring out what is "wrong" or "right" for me, whether it is food, exercise, or personal growth. I want my life to be led by what feels good, instead of what I'm told is the best way. Listen to what your body wants, and everything will become much less mysterious.

I have been working with a friend that does CranioSacral work, and I can say that there has been a world of new information that has revealed itself to me on that table. It blows my mind that I am still holding on to things that I thought were already gone, and they keep disguising themselves as other issues. It's important to go down to the root issue, face the fear of seeing something nasty, and then it will release automatically. Don't hold yourself back any longer! Here is my friend Kim's website for her CranioSacral business, please check her out!

I'll leave you with one more thing, because I just came across this and I think it's also very interesting interpretation of how our bodies react to various emotions. Insightful!

Friday, April 3, 2015

The Edge Article!

It's finally been published, after a good 7 month wait. Big slush pile they got there! But hey, it's here now, so here ya go!

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

April Fools Day!?

The title says it all, it's April Fools days foo's!! The day is coming to a gradual close, and I still haven't come up with any great pranks. I should be ashamed of myself! I am the ultimate prankster, probably more so when I was younger. The luck of my Grandmother was very poor...she consistently was the ONLY receiver of my grand pranks, which I admit were all too frequent!

The old faithful prank was taping the sprayer on the sink with tape and waiting patiently close by until Grandma would need to wash her hands in the sink. The aftermath was probably the best part of it all, because she would try to look angry, but it always came out way to mushy to convince me that I was ever in trouble. So alas, I kept on doing it for many more years! It started with a long drawn out scream, and then a "COURTNEY you little stinker you!!" Word for word, everytime *chuckles*.

Then I started getting more creative, around the age of 4. I used to ask my Grandpa to have secret "meetings" in their office, which was the back room of the house. We would huddle in there, and I would whisper to make sure Grandma couldn't hear me. To my disappointment she wasn't too concerned that we were having these secret meetings without her! We would come up with some great ideas, but after not too long I had to pull out the big guns, because they just weren't good enough to me anymore. So being too small to figure out the computer myself, I asked my Grandpa to look it up on the computer for me. We would google "good pranks"...that was consistent on our "recent searches" list on Google for some time.

I soon got my sister and cousin to join in with me, (this was years later) which was great cause now I had a team that could help stage the scene with me, and also distract Grandma while it happened. She was incredible oblivious - no offense Grandma!! ;) One of my favorites was the time we cut out a picture of a snake on the internet and placed in conveniently right outside of the sliding glass door. Oh dear. Somehow this was convincing to her, even though I'm sure there was still white edges on the two dimensional snake from Google.

Grandma screamed forever and I'm pretty sure peed in her pants as well. Instead of feeling bad about this, we kept on doing these pranks for the buzz of seeing her scared out of her wits. It wasn't even that good, I mean we were kids, but it worked. My mom would say, "how did you do all of those in one day? Grandma must have just been playing along..." She confirmed not that long ago that indeed she wasn't playing along; she was just as scared as she looked every one of those times! Part of me laughs hysterically at these memories, and the other part of me thinks "she took care of us EVERY DAY for half our lives and this is what we did to repay her?" Still laughing!!

Friday, March 27, 2015


Today is about recognizing my momentum, and that I have come very far in accomplishing my dreams! When we focus on how far we have come instead of how much we have failed and fallen behind, we are much happier and in the flow! Makes sense, I know, but it can also be a hard practice to follow. I know it is for me! But that's why I started this blog; to remember to dedicate time to gaining my own momentum through the power of affirmation. Telling my story makes me feel invigorated and alive with possibility, and that's why I share. Also because I think that there are those out there that have similar stories, or could benefit in some way. It's useful to listen to others and learn from them!

This blog also helps me to see my true self; sometimes I filter through what I want to actually hear in my head, but when my thoughts are on paper, it feels very real and vulnerable, and I like that. I like it because it always tells the truth, and then I can learn from it. When I don't really know how I feel, how am I supposed to learn anything? This is like my public journal, how do you like that? Ha ha! Don't feel weird about investigating your inner dimensions, it can be a little scary at first, but let me tell you, it's great when you no longer have to hide things from yourself! Usually it's an unconscious behavior.

Momentum grows as you continue to focus on where you want to be with feelings of eagerness, passion, excitement, expansion, and love! The result is a resistance free vortex of manifestation!

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Heavenly Whispers

As a mentioned in a previous post, my Grandma recently made her transition back home after a really tough fight with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. My family has had a really difficult time with such an unexpected event, especially as it was a fast and aggressive journey. Although, all in all I now know it was a gift in disguise. I have seen great transformation within myself as well as many people around me that have been graced by my Grandmothers presence.

She gifted so many people, and she also bonded the family together in a way I don't think we would have if she hadn't become so sick. I was blessed to be part of the journey and to be of service in a way that I had never been able to be. I did my best to communicate to her in a really soft way the beauty of where she was headed, and began doing a lot of painting at the time as well. Here's a little taste:

I have had a few dreams since her passing, so the lines of communication are still very open! I made sure to talk to her even when she was unresponsive that we would all be tuned in and watching out for her when she chose to make her presence known! The night after her passing, on February 26th, both my Grandpa and I saw flashes of light around us as we were falling asleep in different parts of my house. Pretty awesome right?

My dad also had an amazing experience yesterday - divine synchronicity kind of experience. He was a little bit frustrated he hadn't had any dreams as the rest of us had until this happened. I'll do my best to retell the story briefly! My dad went out on his lunch break alone yesterday, got to the restaurant and found himself there alone as well. Within a few minutes though a sweet old lady came in, sat behind him for a while until she got up, came over to his booth, and explained that she comes there frequently and sits in that booth on the opposite side only. So she politely asked if she could sit down. Of course he says sure, and so she sits down.
                     (okay, so this is just a random cute old lady, but I could picture her like this!)

She started talking about her health and family for quite some time, until somehow it transitioned into conversation about energy and healing, and she said she felt my dad's energy very strongly when she walked in. So he starts telling her about my Grandma and that she recently passed. She immediately started fidgeting furiously for a necklace of some sort under her sweater, until she pulls out a chain with a small crystal with a star hanging above it. She then quickly puts the star in her hand, explaining that it helps ground her. 

She looked as if everything made sense now; there was an overwhelming sense of completion, as if the message from heaven was being recognized and orchestrated perfectly so the message could be passed on. She says, "that's who it is! Your mom's presence is so powerful. She is with you." Then she proceeds to go into prayer, right then and there in the booth with my dad, asking him to say her name out loud three times. Then she tells Grandma that we hear her, we are okay, and we thank her for making her presence known. Hearing this story made me very happy they were alone in this restaurant, but the waiters must have thought, "who are these people anyways?" It didn't matter though cause they certainly didn't care!

My dad also gave this woman a gift by giving her information she had been looking for for a long time, regarding her declining health. She had a red eye that was swollen and watery, diabetes, and probably a much longer list of other issues. He recommended Spring Forest Qigong, and she is now planning to go get work done there. When you don't hear a message, the universe will find other ways to bring it to you, and Grandma is a firecracker I tell you - she knows how to get a point across when she needs to!! ;)

So....that's what my dad had for lunch! When you listen, follow the sign posts, and act on guidance, it's always miraculous!

Thursday, March 19, 2015

~G R A T I T U D E~

I recently started a gratitude journal...actually brought it back to life. I've had one before, but I felt the need to use it again, because it has been pretty miraculous in my life. It seems in my experience that the moment I consciously choose to remind myself every day of the blessings in my life (including the ones I gift to others) I am so much more receptive to allowing abundance to come to me. Abundance comes in many forms, not just money.

With the simply act of writing for a few minutes a day affirming all that I am grateful for in my life, I am seeing new opportunities and people flooding into my life with ease. Sometimes I forget that the universe within me has all that I could ever need and want, and it's just up to my to match my vibration to my desires. If we're not matching our desires vibrationally, the universe cannot provide us with it. That's simply the law of attraction. It's the most prominent law in the universe, and I wish more people could be conscious of it so that we could use it to our benefit. I don't think it's a curse unless we simply don't know about it, and therefore our lives become a mystery.

If we're conscious that we are the ones that create our own reality, than it's a little bit easier. None the less, it can be hard to match our vibration to our desires when its not yet a physical manifestation. We are trained to be discontent until we see physical proof. We're supposed to work hard to get what we want. What do I think? I think that we can get what we want with least amount of effort and resistance if we can learn how to embody what we want without contradicting thoughts and ideas of deprivation so that abundance can be our natural state, and something we just expect rather than try to work for. That is something we need to be learning in school!

So this isn't supposed to be a rant of any kind, nor am I trying to teach anybody anything. This is my experience, and I've noticed it really does work for me. I want to take credit for the blessings that come to me, and not ignore that I did that work! It's awesome how fast you can see the results when you let down your resistance!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Spring Cleaning

So I guess this is going to be about SPRING CLEANING! And no, not in the way you might think. It's about re-evaluating myself and letting go of old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve me!

I'm realizing more and more everyday my own inner resistance to following my soul guidance. It's been showing up so prominently when I notice myself filtering my thoughts as I am speaking to people, keeping my guard up all the time in case I accidently say too much and make myself, or the other person uncomfortable. Why is this an issue? I don't really know if it's my issue, their issue, or both. Sometimes fear of rejection is an excuse to never come out of your own shell and just play it safe in life. I don't want to ever fall into that habit. Yet I still notice myself becoming aware of my own restrictions, and it usually has to do with my spirituality.

I find it very unfortunate that as human beings, as ONE humanity, we still let our differences get in the way of universal love and compassion. I certainly don't agree with everyone out there, nor would I expect everyone to agree with me. But I would hope that despite this, both of us can mutually agree to value and love each other anyways. I don't know why for some people this isn't even in their vocabulary.

It's been a constant struggle for me feeling like I need to break out of my shell, but not knowing how I can and also "fit in". Then I realized I didn't want to fit in and went to the other extreme, which is feeling so outside the box that nobody even recognizes me anymore. Is this my own perception or the truth? I don't know that either. But I do know my perception and reality depends on what I consciously choose for myself, and if people want to treat me a way that I don't like, I might as well pretend a different reality so I can still be happy! See, I knew there was always a bright side! :)

These are my conflicting thoughts today as I contemplate how to better unite these two realities of mine that feel too distant right now. I thought I was completely comfortable with who I am and have become, and yet I realize I am not because I still care what other people think. But I'm not back to square one - just not as far as I thought!!

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

My Dream Board!

Back in the Fall I made this dream board, which I really put my heart into creating. It's a brilliant creative outlet in itself, but what I really love about the process is the joy and alive-ness that I feel when I am in the flow, appreciating every aspect of myself, and remembering my true potential. And finding those perfect images and words to cut out of magazines and newspapers is the best! If you are ever feeling like you need to clarify your intentions and dreams, sit down and go through this process of creating a dream board for yourself. It feels so good to feel the energy of it all coming together in physical form as you are re-affirming all that you want, seeing it in bold colorful letters!

As you can see, Oprah is front and center here in mine...I adore Oprah, and her show Super Soul Sunday. Someday I see myself there - as you can see, Oprah is excited to be reading Teachings From God! ;)

Monday, March 9, 2015


What makes you happy? What makes you come alive? What makes you feel GRATEFUL? The last few days I've been contemplating this, and even journaling about it, because I think it's so important to not lose track of the important things in life. I just re-watched two films that I haven't seen in a while - The Secret, which was written by Rhonda Byrne, and Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch, both of which changed my life completely when I first saw them.
Here's the links for both films on Youtube:

The Secret:
Conversations With God:

Now that I watched them again at a different point in my life, I have a newfound appreciation for them and that has caused me to start that contemplation again on what is truly important. First of all, the Law of Attraction is a huge huge principle that I believe absolutely needs to be taught in schools. Why? Because if we don't understand that the universe simply responds to our outgoing vibrations, then it looks like our lives are driven by some random force we often call "fate". What I've learned, and what many have learned, from the teachings within The Secret, as well as the teachings from the Abraham Hicks material is that the universe is not conspiring against us, nor has it any definition of us other than love. It doesn't have judgment on what it wants from us or for us, other than what our wishes are.

Therefore, we are the co-creators of our own destiny, and we are left to figure that out on this human journey. It's all about discovery, similar to playing a board game like move one square ahead, you don't know what's up next, and you're always scared you'll lose or end up in jail. Jail doesn't need to literally mean jail, it can also mean the prison we often lock ourselves into. So the Law of Attraction simply states that the vibration to send into the universe is the vibration that comes back to you. When you send rockets of desire, whether they are positive or negative, that is what returns to you.

Say you get up in the morning and stub your toe. Automatically that can leave you spiraling downward the rest of the day, where you then are running late, forget your wallet at home, find out your cat is sick, and then get in a car accident on the way home. happens. And it's also not the universes fault - you set up that vibration and didn't catch yourself fast enough to change it around. So you have to find ways to notice it when it comes and get yourself spinning back upwards instead of downwards.

It's awesome when you can get to the point where you don't have to blame others for the way you live your life, and you can start taking credit for both the positive and the negative, because once you figure out how to stay on the positive disk for the majority of the time, you won't have reasons to blame others anyways. And if you get in a rut, be able to take the blame, because it's not bad, it's just a learning experience. Once you know what you don't want, you know what you do want, and you can control your experience then.

Conversations With God I first watched when I was 11 years old, and I was completely fascinated and in awe of this journey of Neale's life. It gave me perspective as to how I could better appreciate my life, and to see the small things as the most profound, not the big extravagant things. I won't spoil the story, cause you might want to read his books, but it's one that has stuck with me since 2007, and I continue to learn from. It has now even become my story. I was always very interested in spirituality, and this material as well as the Abraham Hicks material changed my life, because it gave validation to experiences I was having and continue to have to this day.

It's amazing to me looking back on that first time I watched Conversations With God, I remember thinking, "wow, that's so amazing, I wish I could speak with God too! I have a lot to ask!" (That term is the one I use right now for the purpose of communication, because there's not a better one I can think of that is relatable to all people.) And now here we are, and I'm doing the exact same thing; writing, publishing, and teaching. Isn't that crazy? I just love it.

Now here's a funny sentiment to leave you with...

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Art of Allowing

There are moments in everyone's life where you question yourself, who you are, and if you've got what it takes to become who you want to be. There are moments when you doubt that you can do it, whether it is your family and friends around you that may not support you, the social and societal norms, or simply your own limitations that you have put upon yourself. I'm guided to reflect on this today, because I've got a lot of that to work through. I'm going to be honest and tell you that I often push to hard when it comes to something that I want. I know I can get it, so I sometimes take things into my own hands and try to force it instead of asking the universe to provide it to me. WHY you ask? Because I'm human like everybody else, and we do that. *face palm*

I don't understand why I always fail to remember that I contain all the abundance in the universe within me, and as long as I can clear my own resistance and stay in the flow, abundance comes to me naturally. Isn't that interesting that even when you are so aware of this fact that you teach it all the time, yet you forget to even put it in practice yourself?

Today is the day that I'm going to start practicing it. So that means, I have to go down that awful list of things I tell other people, like, "you have to feel the feeling of the manifestation like it is already yours, even if you don't see the physical evidence yet" or, "remember the Law of Attraction!" The best one is, "make a dream board and look at it every day". I have one, but it's in my closet, and I certainly don't look at it every day! I guess I'm slacking a bit!

But seriously, I have to remember to just roll with the flow, instead of against it. Often times when you are really passionate about something, or have a strong drive to accomplish something, you try to force it to make it happen, and it's honestly just too much work, and I don't have much energy for that right now. So the plan is to pretend, at least for right now, that I can have anything that I desire, and I don't need to work hard for it. All I have to do is consciously and continuously be evaluating where I am on the emotional scale, making sure I'm putting myself in situations and experiences that make me feel alive and in the flow. Because there is nothing TO DO, except to Be. And yeah, that's another teaching I have yet to realize myself ;) Working on it.

I've found that it's not about manifesting, it's about allowing...and it's so dang hard to think about and contemplate, but it's something that is actually quite easy to put in practice once you get out of your head. It takes surrendering to your resistance of what you can and can't do, because you don't have enough time, it won't be accepted, or others come first on your to-do list...the list goes on and on. If you really understand that your life experience always comes from your own choosing of your reality, than you'll understand the purpose and value of always serving yourself first before you can serve others.

Let the universe do the work for you, just ask and get out of the way! Give yourself a break, you don't need to understand all of it, cause you can't. The best you can do is learn from your experiences - I consciously did not pick the word mistake because I don't believe there is such a thing. And I've already said more than once here, I'm learning from myself all the time. By no means have I mastered anything that I talk about, but the more that I do talk about it and learn through the eyes of others, it becomes integrated within me. We're all students, and anyone who claims to be a master is still human, and in my opinion, by the definition of a human being, they have to be students too.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Happy March!

Happy March!

I know this isn't what a March tree looks like, but it's pretty nonetheless! ;)

We're now well into 2015, and have experienced a lot of new energies...lots of emotions, inner turmoil, and releasing of old patterns. Also with this comes an opening for a new opportunity to grow and come more fully into yourself. It's a beautiful process, whether it is always comfortable or not.

Remember that you cannot make a mistake. There are no mistakes. You can choose to define your experiences, or you can simply live without judgment knowing that all of your experiences are for the purpose of growing you up, bringing you more into alignment with your desires and soul purpose, and helping you to unveil the extra layers that no longer serve you.

It's difficult to understand this at first. Not everyone believes that you are the creator of your own reality, because it puts too much pressure on you to "get it right". I completely understand that, but it's also EMPOWERING, because you can now take complete credit and responsibility for the way you have chosen to live. So the intention of this post is to begin to start allowing myself, and hopefully helping you to allow an opening for new beautiful opportunities ahead of you!

The first step is to start allowing yourself to accept abundance in your life. It's not about manifesting, it's about allowing your natural abundance. You deserve all the beauty life has to offer, but you need to start seeing yourself as the central force that can make that happen, instead of some "fate" that lies outside of yourself. As springtime nears closer, the heart naturally opens and comes out of hibernation, as you become more receptive to move out of resistance and into the flow.

You can start priming that process now, even as we are still in the winter months. I am well aware that Minnesota winters are gloomy and depressing, but the Light within you is still alive, and you can still allow yourself to feel healthy and happy. Gift yourself with something nice today - something that rejuvenates your soul, because you are worth it!

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Circle of Life

The more and more I think about death, the more I think about the beauty of life, and how important it is to live always from a place of gratitude and always try to stay in the present moment. To not get swept away in the endless to-do's and must-have's is really difficult, but I am becoming more aware of the subtle but distinctly profound qualities of life that make it wonderful without all of that. In the long run, none of that matters. What matters is to fill yourself up with experiences that feed your soul, make you feel like a child again, and allow you to love every moment of this Earthly journey, which is so short.

It's so humbling to me to see how the human body can be so powerful and strong, and yet also so weak and fragile. I have always been a healthy eater, but I can't say I always had a complete healthy lifestyle. The thoughts you think, the way you choose to condition your mind and body is so important. Never get distracted by small things that don't matter, because there is a whole world filled with opportunities that pass us by every moment of every day.

I've found greater value in family relationships, as well as the relationship I have with myself, and how that is truly the foundation of all relationships. I've been aware of this for a long time, but I am putting it into practice in a new way now, and it feels so empowering! Life is so short, and it needs to be filled with moments that make you feel beautiful and powerful and excited, rather than moments of regret, pain, or anger. Listen, I understand these are all very real and also essential human emotions, and I'm not asking you to try to get rid of them, because that's not healthy...I'm simply asking you to re-evaluate how important that is to you to keep holding on to.

Give yourself time to let those emotions come and go, but when you've fully lived and experienced it, and learned a lesson from it, let it go and forgive; forgive yourself and those that have hurt you. It may seem like something that is way to huge to forgive, and I can't say that I know each of you reading this and what you have gone through, but I can say, when you go back Home in just a short while, it won't matter. It just won't matter.

You'll have a complete full spectrum view on all those life experiences and how they benefited you to become a stronger and more powerful version of yourself. Even when it looks like the other guys fault, believe it or not, you co-created the experience. If you took part in it, there's a lesson in there for you, and you just can't discount that. It is ignorant to always think that your pain and suffering derives from people and experiences around you, because there is ALWAYS a lesson in it, and it's always for you. Let the people around you learn their own lessons, and let your lesson be to serve yourself.

This life is delicate. Do me a favor, and do yourself a favor, and start living it up the best you can. Find ways to delight in the world, even when it doesn't always look pleasant. Treat yourself without feeling selfish. Find out what's really important, and make that your only priority. There's no need to waste time with things that feel insignificant to you. Dream big, and accomplish them, because you can! See the world, revel in the beauty around you. If nothing else, see the magnificence of yourself. Not your face, not your physicality, but the soul within you, and the light within you that is your truest essence. It is so important.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Healing Old Battle Wounds

Today I'm reflecting on my journey, the struggles and pains, and also the effortless flow and bliss I have experienced so far in my life. Everyone goes through that ebb and flow, and it's important to be able to be okay with that, and not resist it. That is what life is in a nutshell. There will be moments that you are in the flow, soaking up the fruits of your labor, and then there will also be the moments in which you feel lost, alone, resistant, and detached from the world. Welcome to being a human being!

Today I'm reflecting on my own inner strength as a human being, which includes both the lovely moments, and the pain and suffering, all of which have be camouflaged in many different experiences. All of these experiences are for your overall growth as a spiritual being living a human experience. I've had the great pleasure to experience both polarities *big sarcastic yay* But honestly, in the end I am very grateful for them because it is made me so strong, and I have a whole new outlook on what the true meaning of life is. You don't truly understand it until you experience all of it, including those human emotions...and they are a bugger! But you can also learn how to use them to your benefit, and channel that energy in ways that are positive and beautiful. Energy is energy...there is no positive and negative, there is just energy in different forms.

I've done a lot of spiritual work in the past three years, and I mean was WORK. Going inward and listening and feeling without blinding yourself from seeing the Truth is difficult. And I'm sure I still blind myself from seeing too much out of fear of disappointing myself or having to deal with even more pain, but when I do realize that I'm holding myself back I always go inward and try to work through the issue so that I don't hurt myself anymore, or the people I care about around me. As human beings we have a strong tendency to blame each other for all of our problems, when in fact it's always our own "stuff" that is being triggered so it can be released. The difficult part is having the strength and courage to look at it, call it out, and release it. It's much easier to blame others, but it never fixes the problem, and it will keep showing up in other areas of your life in new experiences and you'll never understand why you have such bad "luck". Honor yourself and go through it so you can release it. You'll come out a warrior!

I've been going through my stuff lately, and I've had a lot of revelations about myself that I simply allowed myself to label as "the way it is" previously. I am a free spirit who is honestly a rebel of pretty much every system I've been, religion, politics, etc. I've even caught myself multiple times getting into spiritual groups that I know I will feel at home with, and they turn out to be just as good at re-enacting separation as the religions I rebel against around me.

It's human instinct; we know that we get things done better when we form together. It's a memory held within our DNA, and I have no judgment with that. But I do think that it's time to re-evaluate that system and see if we can't look at this a different way. It can be really easy to fall into a system that promotes self-transformation, enlightenment, love, peace, and compassion, but if it EVER contradicts the Truth within you, get the heck out of there. 

It's not that I disagree with all of it, or that I disrespect the purpose of it or the people in it, it's simply that I am so frustrated that it's a system driven around fear. There are so many fears instilled that all have the same foundational basis, which is to keep you in their tight manipulative grip.  Let me ask you a question, one that I have no charge with while I type this, and that is, "does that sound like God, or does that sound like man?" You are your own guidance system, and that's the Truth. Sometimes it takes an experience like that to truly understand what I'm saying. That's been my experience. I found that my own connection to the higher part of me that is Divine is the best way to find my soul purpose and the meaning of my life. It's empowering!!

These are my thoughts, and I have no judgment on your belief system, because I fully respect and love you no matter what your Truth is. I don't believe you should be punished for speaking your own Truth and guiding your own life, spiritual or not. That's an old energy; an old paradigm. Let's get beyond that, shall we? A lot of the spiritual work I spoke of had to do with that old energy I was holding on to from many lifetimes ago that had to do with being prosecuted for speaking my Truth and having a innate connection with God that no one else understood, because it wasn't their way.

I'm past that now, and I have very little fear associated with speaking my Truth, in fact I have even been able to talk openly about my journey with channeling and the grace it has brought into my life with people that I never thought I would get the chance to share it with.

I had so much fear of being rejected. I was comfortably isolated in my own bubble for a good two years before I really started practicing what I preached and found a place within me that really didn't care what others thought. It was more important to me to speak it than be understood. I think it is silly that this was a legitimate anxiety I had for so long, and around the people I should be the most comfortable around. Can we be so blinded by our need for control over the rest of the world's belief systems that we completely overlook the fact that you can love one another even when you are not clones? As my Grandma would say, "well for Pete's sake!" (anyone actually know what that means?)

This is my frustration and resistance that keeps showing up in many areas of my life, which right now is the anxiety and fears I have about going to college and feeling safe and secure. I have so many aspirations and big goals for myself, and I have a fear that I will limit myself and "waste time" on my journey, when in fact, I know it will be good for my overall wellbeing and to expand and grow and move past my own limitations. Yes, I said's my own limitations. Nothing I will do will be a waste of time, because there is no such thing. If you have to control your future to be able to feel safe and secure, you'll never go anywhere, and you'll also probably feel stir crazy. Alas, another lesson I just taught myself! For now, I'm relaxing in the Now and not worrying about what is ahead.

Click here for Your Angel Messages for February 23-March 1 from Doreen Virtue:

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

New Gaiam TV article!

I have a new article to share with ya'll, hope you enjoy it and it helps you to gain clarity, peace, and perspective.

Coming out of Hibernation!!

It's been a chaotic, emotional, and draining couple of months since my Grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I have learned so much about myself, summoned inner strength that I didn't know I possessed, and started to truly put the teachings I have taught others in to practice for myself. It can be really easy to say something profound and mystical to another person in response to what feels like an insignificant problem from your point of view, but when you get to a place in your life where your world seems to be shattering, you gotta put those teachings into practice for yourself, sucks!

I have learned that it's never good to get too comfortable in your cozy cocoon, because nothing is ever stagnant. Just when I thought I was getting comfortable enough to hibernate and hopefully figure my life out, this giant unexpected event shows up like, "yeah, I don't think so!" At that moment I took out the big guns and started to take my own healing abilities and put them to the test. I've studied and practiced Qigong since I was about twelve years old, but never had an experience where I had to put all of my power to use until now.

It's been humbling to You think you know what's going on, but you don't. You don't know how long you'll be here, and you spend way too much time worrying about things that don't matter, and getting angry at people for things that don't matter. Take it all in, listen with an open heart, be gentle and compassionate to all those that you meet, whether you agree with them or not, and never take this life for granted. You've been gifted with this beautiful opportunity to express all that you are, to choose your expression, and to have fun with it!

That's the purpose of life, just have fun. Stay in the moment, and don't let yourself get swept away from living in the Now. Its so important to appreciate those loved ones around you, and to always let them know how much you appreciate and love them. Don't let years go by holding on to regrets, because you're holding yourself back.

I have gained so much perspective in the process of all of this, seeing myself falling apart, and also seeing myself becoming stronger. They are both beautiful experiences, and should both be seen as equally important. Emotions are great tools for showing you where you're at so you can grow and transform in the direction that you choose. It's a tool for course correcting, and it's marvelous!

So now we're looking at Grandma's last days here on Earth, but I know we're not going to be separated, because I will with her always. I will tune into the subtleties of her energy when I still myself and listen. I am so thankful for her presence in my life, and her continuous teaching to me to love unconditionally. She was always one to be there for people no matter what, and that often meant she came second. We've taught each other in many ways. I taught her to take back her power and to live for herself in her authenticity, and to always speak her Truth.

It was her courageous decision to not do chemotherapy for quality of life, even if it was the end. But nonetheless, we pressed on with a daily qigong practice, eating high vibrational food from the Earth, and forming strong bonds within the family. We're all closer than we have ever been because of her, and because of the imprint she has left on all of us.

I've chosen something for myself...I'm goin' back to school! I was resistant for a while, but now its something that I'm really looking forward to, because it means I get to grow and expand even more, and see what I can really do! I've got a lot to share, and a lot I want to be a voice for, and the way to do that is to get out there and DO IT! It's all down stream from here on least for now ;-)

So here's to coming out of hibernation!