Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Spring Cleaning

So I guess this is going to be about SPRING CLEANING! And no, not in the way you might think. It's about re-evaluating myself and letting go of old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve me!

I'm realizing more and more everyday my own inner resistance to following my soul guidance. It's been showing up so prominently when I notice myself filtering my thoughts as I am speaking to people, keeping my guard up all the time in case I accidently say too much and make myself, or the other person uncomfortable. Why is this an issue? I don't really know if it's my issue, their issue, or both. Sometimes fear of rejection is an excuse to never come out of your own shell and just play it safe in life. I don't want to ever fall into that habit. Yet I still notice myself becoming aware of my own restrictions, and it usually has to do with my spirituality.

I find it very unfortunate that as human beings, as ONE humanity, we still let our differences get in the way of universal love and compassion. I certainly don't agree with everyone out there, nor would I expect everyone to agree with me. But I would hope that despite this, both of us can mutually agree to value and love each other anyways. I don't know why for some people this isn't even in their vocabulary.

It's been a constant struggle for me feeling like I need to break out of my shell, but not knowing how I can and also "fit in". Then I realized I didn't want to fit in and went to the other extreme, which is feeling so outside the box that nobody even recognizes me anymore. Is this my own perception or the truth? I don't know that either. But I do know my perception and reality depends on what I consciously choose for myself, and if people want to treat me a way that I don't like, I might as well pretend a different reality so I can still be happy! See, I knew there was always a bright side! :)

These are my conflicting thoughts today as I contemplate how to better unite these two realities of mine that feel too distant right now. I thought I was completely comfortable with who I am and have become, and yet I realize I am not because I still care what other people think. But I'm not back to square one - just not as far as I thought!!

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