It's been a chaotic, emotional, and draining couple of months since my Grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I have learned so much about myself, summoned inner strength that I didn't know I possessed, and started to truly put the teachings I have taught others in to practice for myself. It can be really easy to say something profound and mystical to another person in response to what feels like an insignificant problem from your point of view, but when you get to a place in your life where your world seems to be shattering, you gotta put those teachings into practice for yourself, and...it sucks!
I have learned that it's never good to get too comfortable in your cozy cocoon, because nothing is ever stagnant. Just when I thought I was getting comfortable enough to hibernate and hopefully figure my life out, this giant unexpected event shows up like, "yeah, I don't think so!" At that moment I took out the big guns and started to take my own healing abilities and put them to the test. I've studied and practiced Qigong since I was about twelve years old, but never had an experience where I had to put all of my power to use until now.
It's been humbling to me...life. You think you know what's going on, but you don't. You don't know how long you'll be here, and you spend way too much time worrying about things that don't matter, and getting angry at people for things that don't matter. Take it all in, listen with an open heart, be gentle and compassionate to all those that you meet, whether you agree with them or not, and never take this life for granted. You've been gifted with this beautiful opportunity to express all that you are, to choose your expression, and to have fun with it!
That's the purpose of life, just have fun. Stay in the moment, and don't let yourself get swept away from living in the Now. Its so important to appreciate those loved ones around you, and to always let them know how much you appreciate and love them. Don't let years go by holding on to regrets, because you're holding yourself back.
I have gained so much perspective in the process of all of this, seeing myself falling apart, and also seeing myself becoming stronger. They are both beautiful experiences, and should both be seen as equally important. Emotions are great tools for showing you where you're at so you can grow and transform in the direction that you choose. It's a tool for course correcting, and it's marvelous!
So now we're looking at Grandma's last days here on Earth, but I know we're not going to be separated, because I will with her always. I will tune into the subtleties of her energy when I still myself and listen. I am so thankful for her presence in my life, and her continuous teaching to me to love unconditionally. She was always one to be there for people no matter what, and that often meant she came second. We've taught each other in many ways. I taught her to take back her power and to live for herself in her authenticity, and to always speak her Truth.
It was her courageous decision to not do chemotherapy for quality of life, even if it was the end. But nonetheless, we pressed on with a daily qigong practice, eating high vibrational food from the Earth, and forming strong bonds within the family. We're all closer than we have ever been because of her, and because of the imprint she has left on all of us.
I've chosen something for myself...I'm goin' back to school! I was resistant for a while, but now its something that I'm really looking forward to, because it means I get to grow and expand even more, and see what I can really do! I've got a lot to share, and a lot I want to be a voice for, and the way to do that is to get out there and DO IT! It's all down stream from here on out...at least for now ;-)
So here's to coming out of hibernation!