Friday, July 25, 2014

Ilusions galore!

I've been struggling with the illusion of fear that I am not enough or have not done enough of a good job to promote myself and all the work I have been doing to publish my book Teachings From God. It's been a very long journey, and I am actually really proud of myself...not gonna deny that. But, it's been hard, even though it is an amazing investment, both for myself, and for the world. I have this resistance to pacing myself and my goals. I want to be the next guest on Oprah before the book is even officially published...and then give myself a hard time for not working hard enough to accomplish these goals. I value the work I've done, as well as the work my channel has done to support me on this journey of awakening myself, and the world. It's not all on me...there are SO many resources out there, and this is just one small piece of the whole puzzle.

Somehow I am letting myself believe that I need to be "the next big thing", which I know are my guides pushing me to keep my goals high. I think that is a good thing, because I know that when I have those high standards for myself, I WILL achieve them in the end. The part I struggle with is the journey to the end - the process. And, funnily enough, that's the most important. I'm not always in the Now. I teach it, I talk about it, and I still want it. You have to understand, teachers are still students. We're all students, relatively. Yes, we are master Light beings, but for this time being in the human body and physical experience, we are students.

We came here to learn and experience. So, we're all walking that journey, and no one here is above and beyond that. Any teacher who claims to know all the secrets is having a major ego attack! Seriously, any real teacher knows that we're all here as students. You cannot be ego-less as a human just can't. But that's the process, and the experience we signed up for! If it wasn't meant to be that way, it wouldn't. God could do that...but that isn't the journey that we were looking for. The point is to experience, to learn contrast, emotional balance, boundaries, and connection with the Divine.

Through all these daily trials, growth happens rapidly. When we fall down and get hurt, we are more receptive to change, because we know contrast. We learn that what we don't want will cause us to find out what we do want, and then the passion to grow even more causes drastic shifts in your personal development as a human being - and therefore, as a spiritual being. We willingly and knowingly put ourselves in these positions for the overall purpose of spiritual growth! Who woulda' thunk!

I'm now starting to understand on a deeper level that my self observation and awareness is sharpening. I'm learning that I can grow and change and develop WHILE I sit back and relax. I don't have to go gung-ho on everything until I hit walls. This whole publishing process has given me a taste of that - and though it has been exciting, joyful, and seriously fun, I have resistance to patience! I am already doing so much work, and somehow I keep going back to the thoughts of "I need to do more". That's just where I am, but I am noticing it...and therefore the resistance lessens. It's all's all good.


  1. Hey!

    "I'm learning that I can grow and change and develop WHILE I sit back and relax"

    I like this :).

    Also, as some kind of a lightworker / servant / Indigo in this life, I completely know what you mean about needing to make it big, make it in a big way and make it fast. I've always had a fire in my belly to get to the top as quick as possible - it's always been rushed. I wonder why we feel like we need to do it so quickly. I guess the urgency helps us with our spiritual goals like you say, though in my case I don't think it's my guides pressing me feels innate...

  2. Hey Rafiel! Yes, it is definitely innate. It's that soul purpose that is very alive and well, and wants to remind you not to forget about it this time! That push sometimes makes it hard to relax, especially when you feel like you've been waiting SOO long to actually get started. I'm starting to notice, you CAN be recognized even if you are in the background, and Spirit will always, always, always, help you get where you need to be! :)